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My relationship with telephones has always been intense and even somewhat parasexual; they were, when I was a stir-crazy teeny-bopper in the English provincial 1970s, a symbol of freedom. Once, during a particularly dull period in my first marriage, I called a primitive sex chat line to see what it was like and was so excited by the transgressive nature of what I was doing that I actually came before anything dirty was said — literally during the phone listing. Why, then, am I the only person I know — apart from my husband — who does not possess and never has possessed a mobile phone?

The drawings of carefree teenage girls with phones in their bedrooms I’d see in Jackie; sitting on the stairs for hours cooing with my current adolescent amour when we’d just said goodbye at the school gates; Doris Day films in which career girls living in Manhattan apartments meet dishy bachelors through shared ‘party lines’... I’m repelled by how stupid mobile phones make people look, yapping away ceaselessly into them in the street.

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In a recent issue of The Spectator, writing about the effect of smartphones on those who have grown up with them, the brilliant 26-year-old writer Lara Prendergast wrote: ‘I feel I have the memory of a 70-year-old — my brain is a port through which facts pass but don’t stay.