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Luckily her cat "Num Nums" will finish the job later tonight while she's lying in bed watching QVC. Then when I spent the summer of '94 at school in Ann Arbor, I met some lesbians who knew her and her dating history ("she was with my ex's ex's ex," the kind of shit you can't even make up). Besides, when I saw her at a town fall festival in CT, she took my face in her hands and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Believe it or not, the only time I've seen Rascal Flatts was on an episode of CSI.

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Apparently someone from her university has an audio recording of her from back in the day at…

Meanwhile he had less eyebrows than my dead granny and she had alopecia.

She didn't even draw hers on with an eyebrow pencil, but he looked like he drew his on with a sharpened #2.5.

She was listening to Rascal Flatts while pecking away at her keyboard with her right hand and fingering herself with her left hand.